You Old Bastard

You know when you have passed the mark of being young when you wake up with pain in places that you did not know you had or that could hurt that much. The other morning I woke up to leg cramps. I have not had pain like that, ever. You want to get up and walk it off, but if you stand up you will just fall back down and hurt something else. I think Sinbad said it best “you know you are old when you hurt yourself while brushing your teeth”. There was a time that I could bend over and pick things up off the floor and not make any noise. Now I am making grunting, cracking or popping sounds and if I get to the floor it actually takes more effort to get up than it does just to crawl to my chair or just take a nap where I am. well I am talking about naps, now I know how my dad could just sit down and fall asleep. He was fucking exhausted from working all day and chasing my ass around the rest of the day when i was a kid, now it all makes sense. Now, back to this getting old thing that I was talking about. I don’t know about you but when I really feel old is when I’m at work and I say something from the mid 80’s and most of the people around me look at me the way a dog looks at you when you are talking to them. An then they say “oh yeah I have heard my mom/dad say that before” then I realize that most of the people I work with were born late 80’s or early 90’s that is when I just brush them off as young wiper snappers. Now I know I am not that old at the ripe old age of 41 but if I hurt this much now I guess I will need a wheel chair at 55. I do look forward to being a crotchety old man “get off my lawn!!! You little bastard” you know the way I see it if I make it to 70+ I have earned the right to be that way.

Driving

People let’s talk about driving for a moment shall we. If there are three lanes, then this is the way it should be. Left lane is the fast lane. If you are not driving fast as or faster than the other people in that lane, get out of the F-ing way. Middle lane is medium speed lane for the people who are going faster than the cars in the right lane but slower than the left lane. Now, the right lane is the slow lane if you are in this lane you should just give up and go home. The only reason to be in this lane is if you are entering or exiting the highway or if you are lost or on your DAMN CELL PHONE AND STOP TEXTING WHILE YOU’RE DRIVING, DUMB ASS!!! You do not drive that well when you aren’t doing anything else. Now if there are two lanes, left lane is again the fast lane you shouldn’t be in this lane other than to pass the slow bastard in front of you in the right lane that’s right boy's and girl's the right lane is again the slow lane. Now that we covered these few items, lets chat about what you are doing when you are driving which should only be DRIVING not shaving, eating, putting on makeup, reading a book or anything else other than driving.

Weird people

There are a lot of weird people out there. I know because I am one of them. It just makes me wonder about how we/they got that way. You know you see them every day doing odd stuff like mixing up foods that just should never be put together (pickles and peanut butter) or covering their body in piercings just because they think it makes them unique. Well, I am sorry to say that they are not unique anymore they are just like everybody else. Except now they have a bunch of extra holes in their head and body, well I'm on the subject of piercings and such. The tattoos are getting out of control. I like tats and I have often thought of getting one, but I never have. The fact that I would be stuck with it for the rest of my life keeps me from doing it simply because there really is nothing I like enough to go through the rest of my life with it jammed into my skin with a needle. I go through my own fads so fast that I have trouble keeping up with them. What I like today is not necessarily what I am going to like tomorrow. I just can't see myself walking around with a skull or some ancient symbol or saying in some odd language that no one can read on my arms' legs, chest or back when I'm 60 or older it just seems weird. I’m not sure how I would explain it to my kids or anyone for that matter (well you see son when I was 20 I really liked banging squirrels so I got one tattooed to my bicep so when I flex it makes his tail wiggle). Somehow I don't think that I will really ever give a crap about anything long enough to have it printed on my body permanently.

Bring your own damn pen

Here is a good one. I think I figured out why the jobless rate is so high in America. The majority of people coming through my door are crazy if they think that anyone would give them a job let alone call them for an interview. I don’t know about you but when I go for an interview I will but on my best clothes and brush my hair (well I would if I had any) but these people are coming in off the street looking like they just got run over with their hair all over the place and their clothes (if you can call them clothes) dirty and wrinkled. Would it hurt to actually shave and shower before an interview or before coming in to get an application? The ones I like most are the people that respond by email without attaching a resume but with one question. How much do you pay? Most of the time that is the only question and they want me to call them. Wow!!! That’s rich. It’s amazing how many just never show up for the interview after you call them. So, I guess if you want a job an education is good and will help open doors but you’ll need to use your common sense before you go through that door.  Which by the way I guess is not that common.

P.S. Bring your own damn pen.

Opposable Thumbs

I was thinking about thumbs last night and what if our thumbs were on the other side of our hand? You know by the pinky finger. How would you use your phone, scissors, pen and pencil, TV remote or pick up a penny off the floor? Just think how different would the world be and how much harder it would be to use all the things we use and take for granted every day. You know people from Michigan would be screwed when someone asked them where they are from.

Would they still be opposable thumbs or just another finger on each hand?  

Detroit Lions

Well what you can say about them other than WOW!!! I have been a fan for 30+ years and finally there winning games there not pretty but there winning. I’m not going to get my hopes up because coming from Detroit we all know they will blow it in the end. But that is ok because even if they do I will still be watching and cheering for them. So for now I just want to say way to go Detroit Lions.

First Post

Hi folks, welcome to my head in the future posts I will share random thoughts and crazy things that I think of in day to day life. Don’t expect to learn much or think these posts will help you in any other way as I am not a self help guru but you might at least get a good laugh. My grammar is dreadful along with my spelling if the spellchecker doesn’t catch it will stay that way in the post I am hoping that maybe by using them these will improve.

But I wouldn’t hold my breath.